pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
