if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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