Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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