sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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