I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
