my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
