My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
