You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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