Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
