I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
