I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
