Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
