I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
