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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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