There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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