can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize