Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
