apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
