White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
