I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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