so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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