Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
