the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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