So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
