It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
