i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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