Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
