After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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