I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize