Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
