No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
