I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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