it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
