I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
