I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize