im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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