hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
