I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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