I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
