somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
