The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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