I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize