Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
