So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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