I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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