Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
