Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
