FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
