so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
