Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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