i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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