The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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