I need help removing her.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've blown a few things in my day
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize