I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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