sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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