So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
