im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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