I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
