Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
