It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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