I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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