I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
