i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
