He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
