Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
