i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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