ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
