My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
