I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
