Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
