This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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