your thong is hanging out like whoa
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
