Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
