i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
