I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My vagina is officially offended.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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