Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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