I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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