i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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