Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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