Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
