She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
