It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
