so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
