The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
