when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In America we eat man semen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
