return my video game
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
